U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
