I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
