dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
