Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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