I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
