What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
