I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she smelled like a LAN party
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
