I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need moral support for this bender
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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