My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
