i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
