she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
