All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
