I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
