you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
