does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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