Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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