Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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