hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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