so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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