RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
