You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
