Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
