Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
