I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
