just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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