Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
