What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
