Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
