What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
