I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
