so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
