My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
