I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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