i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
