I think my fart just growled at me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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