singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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