all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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