i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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