WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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