Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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