so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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