Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
