bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
