I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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