Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
