Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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