I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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