it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
