she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
