Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
