The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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