i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She is in my trunk
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
