The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
