I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
