Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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