If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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