I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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