i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
