i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
love makes seman taste better
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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