nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
