My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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