he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
