Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
