It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
