I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also, beer. Big fan.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
